My Tale

Pondering the sculptures in the 'Garden of the Gods' from my hotel room, I find it curious that erosion, a process to be avoided, created these magnificent works. Enough daydreaming, back to my assignment of mapping out the milestones of my 32 years of life. Working backwards, I could not recall anything significant before age 16. I suppose that is nothing new for this small-town preacher's kid, but it seemed to be a wall. I sought out a couple who were also attending the workshop and we asked 'our Father in Heaven' to reveal anything that happened at age 16 that became that wall. He brought this event to mind.

Dad cornered me in our small laundry room and lectured me on how self-centered I was. "I was thoughtless and inconsiderate of others. I was an arrogant "know it all" that nobody wanted around."

Well, sixteen years later, amidst the magnificence of this 'Garden of the Gods', I finally understood what my dad was saying. Dad did not like me. Dad did not want me.

As I left the laundry room, I struggled with his judgement. Was I really a royal blob of 'butt dust', unwanted by dad, and perhaps unwanted by God as well? If what he said was true, there was no purpose to continue the battles of living. But, I reasoned, since dad spent so little time with me, how could he really know me. Therefore, his judgement of me was not justified. I could not be that bad. I decided to continue living.

The emotions of being rejected by my father consumed me sixteen years later as the three of us prayed, hugged, and wept together. Years earlier, Bill helped me through forgiving my dad, but this was the first time I felt the emotions and rejection that had been secreted in my soul. Thus, surrounded by these majestic creations of nature, I chose to accept the consequences of dad's statements, the rejection and the torment, and to no longer hold it against him. I also realized that the suicidal planning that had haunted me these past 16 years began with that event.

This was not the first time, nor the last time that I had confronted my mountain of offenses and chose to climb and conquer it instead of remaining a prisoner in the dark shadows it cast. I did conquer this particular Mount Offense, but it took time. A couple of months after my 'Garden of the Gods' revelation, I was sitting alone in a cabin reading about sexual abuse and the healing process. The emotions of being rejected assaulted me with a new intensity. In wrestling with these feelings, I cussed God for letting this happen to me. I finally fell on my knees in exhaustion. Then I saw Jesus with outstretched arms welcoming the unwanted, 'butt dust' me. "Son, I know you better than you know yourself. I want you. I love you. Son, I chose you to adopt." I welcomed His embrace, accepted His love, and rested. Although emotionally spent, that evening, I renewed my decision to forgive my dad and mom even after this eruption of scalding emotions. I had reached the summit. I was free of the anger and resentment of that day back in the laundry room.

Today, as your guide, I hope to coach each of you in climbing your Mount Offense and experiencing the freedom I have experienced.

Will you join me?