VIII. Forgiving Me
Self-Condemnation
Though Dr. Anderson helped me learn to forgive others, I still had to forgive me.
"Hey West, you have failed to forgive others. You have failed to discipline your imagination and your actions to remain sexually pure. You cannot keep His simplest of commandments, do you truly love Him? You have not been able to rid yourself of bitterness, 'anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene speech'. Your life is worthy of Jesus? Get Real."
(My self-talk is highly sarcastic.)
These accusations pile on my current failure between the chorus, "You're no good, You're no good, You're no good." (Ballard Clint). (See John 14:15, Colossians 1:10 & 3:8 reference above comments.)
If this has not been your experience, fantastic. Do not bother reading further. Angels are standing by to whisk you to the summit of freedom from the chains of unforgiveness. Otherwise, my experiences may help to replace those haunting condemnations.
As with forgiving others, accepting the consequences of my sin was a given. Throughout Father's healing process, the Spirit has uncovered many of those consequences that I had buried as a means of self-preservation. War creates many memories that soldiers do not "want to talk about it." Movies such as Born on the 4th of July, Memorial Day, and The Hurt Locker endeavor to portray a slice of the events, reenacting actions, sacrifice, and suffering. Many try to leave the trauma and the emotions buried in THAT place in order to function in their post-war world. Women and men may try to bury an abortion in which they participated. Adults may deny an addiction or molesting a child. These are only a few examples of the buried painful and uncomfortable memories that one often does not want to unearth. In some ways, denial is a survival strategy. If I had tried to deal with these memories at the time of the conference, I doubt I would be here today. And it is my experience these "erased" memories often become the unseen foundation of my self-condemnation.
So how does one no longer condemn oneself? Is forgiveness even possible? I posed this question to a professor at the Christian Counseling & Education Center.
Question: "How do I forgive myself and stop condemning myself?"
Prof: “Repent of your pride.”
My response, “Huh?”
As I am still uncovering new dimensions of what he meant, I will share what I have learned to date. This has been by far the most difficult section to write and I am thankful for friends with which to sort this out.
To begin, I had to clearly define 'pride', a word with several definitions, some of which appear contradictory. (Did you know that a company of lions is a pride?) Below I have provided the definitions I found and several places in the Bible that appear to use that particular definition of pride.
Pride on one hand is a "deep pleasure or satisfaction from one's own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired." Oxford Languages.
The Apostle Paul's use of 'pride':
Convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with you all for your progress and joy in the faith, so that your pride in Christ Jesus may be abundant because of me by my coming to you again. Philippians 1:25-27
Do all things without complaining or arguments; so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world, holding firmly the word of life, so that on the day of Christ I can take pride because I did not run in vain nor labor in vain. Philippians 2:14-16
For who is our hope, or joy or crown of pride, in the presence of our Lord Jesus at His coming? Or is it not indeed you? For you are our glory and joy. 1 Thessalonians 2:18-20 (Audio adds a paragraph here that repeats the initial definition of pride.)
A second definition of pride is an "Excessive self-esteem; A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves, vanity to what we would have others think of us.” (Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary) And Dictionary.com expands this further in defining the adjective prideful as "thinking too highly of oneself; conceited, arrogant, or overconfident."
"I, wisdom, dwell together with prudence; I possess knowledge and discretion. To fear the Lord is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech." Proverbs 8:12-13 (NIV)
After the Lord has used the king of Assyria to accomplish his purposes on Mount Zion and in Jerusalem, He will turn against the king of Assyria and punish him—for he is proud and arrogant. He boasts, “By my own powerful arm I have done this. With my own shrewd wisdom I planned it. I have broken down the defenses of nations and carried off their treasures. I have knocked down their kings like a bull…” Isaiah 10:12-13 (NLT)
"For from within, out of the hearts of people, come the evil thoughts, acts of sexual immorality, thefts, murders, acts of adultery, deeds of greed, wickedness, deceit, indecent behavior, envy, slander, pride, and foolishness. All these evil things come from within and defile the person.” Jesus Christ: Mark 7:21-23
In the context that my professor was stating "Repent of your pride," he was utilizing the second, non-complimentary meaning. In essence, the pride from which to repent is the pride based on one's fantasy, a perspective that overstates one's abilities. In Isaiah 10, the king of Assyria boasts that
“By my own powerful arm, I have done this. With my own shrewd wisdom, I planned it. I have broken down the defenses of nations and carried off their treasures. I have knocked down their kings like a bull…”
What makes this so audacious as to deserve the Lord's punishment? The king's claim that by his skill, his wisdom, and his understanding, he alone broke down the defenses of nations; he alone plundered their treasures; and he alone knocked down their kings like a bull. This contradicts what the Lord Almighty states in verse 12 "When the Lord has finished all his work against Mount Zion and Jerusalem."
The book of Daniel records a similar event. In chapter 4, Daniel is brought before King Nebuchadnezzar to interpret a dream of a great tree that was cut down but then regrew. (Verses 19-27). This tree was the king and he was to be cut down "until you recognize that the Most High is ruler over the realm of mankind and bestows it on whomever He wishes.” And in that it was commanded to leave the stump with the roots of the tree, "your kingdom will remain as yours after you recognize that it is Heaven that rules."
Verse 29 records this event: (Audio adds a introductory paragraph here)
Twelve months later he was walking on the roof of the royal palace of Babylon. The king began speaking and was saying, ‘Is this not Babylon the great, which I myself have built as a royal residence by the might of my power and for the honor of my majesty?’ While the word was still in the king’s mouth, a voice came from heaven, saying, ‘King Nebuchadnezzar, to you it is declared: sovereignty has been removed from you, and you will be driven away from mankind, and your dwelling place will be with the animals of the field. You will be given grass to eat like cattle, and seven periods of time will pass over you until you recognize that the Most High is ruler over the realm of mankind and bestows it on whomever He wishes.’
Immediately the word concerning Nebuchadnezzar was fulfilled; and he was driven away from mankind and began eating grass like cattle, and his body was drenched with the dew of heaven until his hair had grown like eagles’ feathers and his nails like birds’ claws. Daniel 4:29-33
After months, if not years of 'eating grass like cattle', King Nebuchadnezzar’s 'reason returned' with a new perspective on his life:
"Now I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise, exalt, and honor the King of heaven, for all His works are true and His ways just; and He is able to humble those who walk in pride.” Daniel 4:37
A vastly different perspective from 'I myself have built' this great Babylon. The claim that "I did this" sums up the pride that Father abhors.
On July 13, 2012, President Obama stated "You didn't build that". He went on to state, "Somebody helped to create this unbelievable American system that we have that allowed you to thrive. Somebody invested in roads and bridges. If you've got a business, you didn't build that." ("that" referenced the infrastructure.) Although President Obama was likely not acknowledging that it is our Creator who grants life and is sovereign over "our" successes and failures, not the king, not the senator, not the Speaker of the House, President Obama was speaking truth – that the Lord Almighty, Most High, "is ruler over the realm of mankind and bestows it on whomever HE wishes." (Daniel 4:25 b)
Thus, I think my professor was saying that if we had an accurate view of our limited abilities, we would not be condemning ourselves for failure but rather celebrating our baby steps of becoming more like Jesus. In contrast, arrogant pride considers one able to live in a manner worthy of Jesus. But when we are unable to mimic Jesus, our arrogant pride condemns us as "stupid," "foolish," or "unworthy".
Illustration
Let’s say a blind man enters a construction site without a cane, or a guide dog. Would he be condemned for walking into a wall? Or tripping into a hole? No, because he is blind. Would he condemn himself for such errors? Only if his pride refused to accept his blindness.
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Although our human depravity (degenerate, sin nature) makes us "blind," we still condemn ourselves for walking into holes as if we can see them. With an inflated or unrealistic expectation of our abilities, we judge ourselves harshly when we do not meet those expectations.
Life Experience
In walking through the ceramic tile store, I am intrigued by some of the embedded tile accent patterns on display. With expectations that it cannot be that hard to reproduce the pattern with showroom quality, I buy the required materials and return home to install my bathtub surround with some awesome glass accent tiles. After installing the tile and accents and cleaning up my mess, I stood back to admire my workmanship. It was not showroom quality. My eyes were drawn to two tiles that had chipped when I tried to straighten them. And the accent tile was thicker than the "field" tile and thus jutted out a bit. Running my hand across the tile, I realized that many were not set even with their adjacent tiles. If I had been doing this professionally, it would have to be ripped out and redone. But it remains and now, whenever I take a shower, my eyes latch on to my errors. My pride was confident I could do showroom quality work. And even though it was a fair 'Do it Yourself' job, my standard remains the showroom quality and I still shake my head in disgust with myself for such sloppy work.
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Pride refuses to acknowledge one's depravity and how that corruption permeates every area of one's life. Therefore, failing to match the quality of the model generates justified condemnation. Expand this from the tile showroom model to the models one has for the various aspects of their life. A person has chosen models to imitate in athletics, health, academics, romance, careers, family, spiritual life, community life, and other areas. Common models, or heroes, are found in the present, the past, or even from the comics such as Batman or Spiderman. And it is against these models that one judges their life and, at times, assign themself derogatory titles such as unworthy, unable do good, unlovable, paranoid, reprobate, childish, perverted, or an outright dunce.
Now raise the bar, not quite to the stratosphere, but raise the standard against which to judge oneself. Set Jesus the Christ as the standard, as the model to imitate in living a good life. Perhaps this was the way the Apostle Paul felt when he wrote:
We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. … For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.
What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Romans 7:14 NIV
Paul identifies the core of the conflict within each believer – man's inherited sin nature. Just prior to this passage the Apostle Paul is addressing the believer's transition from being a slave to sin to be freed from the chains of sin. Now, being in Christ the person has a choice of whom to serve – sin or God.
Much has been written about this conflict and the process of choosing to deny sin more while choosing to obey Jesus more. This process begins when a person believes in Jesus as the payment for their sins and takes the oath to follow Jesus. That person is adopted as a son of the Lord Almighty and the Spirit invades their life, starting the processes of putting off the old and putting on the new. This is the process of renewing one's mind and replacing the habits of serving sin with habits of serving Jesus.
Illustration
There was a large factory that produced a lethal gas for use in war. On day someone buys the factory and decides to start producing oxygen for saving lives instead of the lethal gas. Although much of the equipment may be used for either a lethal gas or oxygen, the operators need to be retrained. What makes this retraining difficult is that the lethal gas procedures are so engrained in the operator's mind that they could do it in their sleep. Now they need to learn new parameters and new quality control measures. It takes time to replace the old habits formed over years with the new habits required to produce medical grade oxygen. But the Spirit of God is a great trainer and works with each operator to change their habits.
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Currently this is the best illustration I have of the 'sanctification' or 'transformation' process, but I welcome your insights and illustrations. Back to the issue of repenting of my pride, it is my habit to engage my own intelligence, experience, and strength in doing many of the activities of life. Although I would not be so bold as King Nebuchadnezzar to claim that "I did that," my practice of not inviting Father into the process makes it clear that I am being a practical atheist, taking on life's challenges without much help from Father except when I am suddenly in over my head and need that life buoy. As a practical atheist, when I try to live up to the standard of Jesus on my own, I am constantly tripping and falling.
Life Experience
As I started my senior year in high school, I was determined to make God, and my youth group, proud of me. I created two posters which I reviewed daily. The one was my daily goals: Memorize a verse a day, hand out three tracks each day, and share my testimony at least once a day. This, after all, made for a good Christian. (right skills, right actions, & right words – right?) The second poster was a "family tree" with 15 slots for the names of the two whom I would lead to Jesus and the two whom they would each lead to Jesus. The top 8 slots were for the two those four would lead to Jesus. Simple law of multiplication. Except for the "family tree" not having names added to it as quickly as I would have liked; I was meeting my daily goals and considered a good Christian young man.
That Fall I watched my Dad become a radically different person within a couple of weeks. During those weeks he was reading Release of the Spirit by Watchman Nee. He had changed from an abusive, critical, aloof father and husband to a dad with which I could enjoy a camping adventure. I actually enjoyed being around him instead of having to duck for cover when I heard him approaching.
Although I was outwardly living the obedient life of a follower of Jesus and meeting the daily goals I had set, someone tugged at me. Something was wrong. Thus, on the Christmas school break, I started reading this Watchman Nee book that appeared to have been the catalyst for Dad's radical change. I consumed the book within a couple of days. Watchman Nee spoke of the conflict within a follower of Jesus between the Spirit of God, who desires to imitate Jesus, and the human soul that is accustomed to being enslaved to sin. The Spirit desires to increasingly please and resemble Jesus while the soul digs in its heels in resistance. This conflict could be both intense and frustrating. I recalled the Apostle Paul articulation of this conflict as:
We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. … For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.
What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Romans 7:14 NIV
That was me! After years of wrestling to be more like Jesus, I was still acting in ways that were not like Jesus. I tried to do good, but my motives were often a 'cake mix' of good and selfish motives. And there were times that I intentionally rebelled against God's ways and just did no good. But was that label of "a wretched man" justly applicable to me? Was I really that "wretched"? My pride did not think so.
As I mulled this over late that evening, the Spirit of God took a walk through my life and even pried open a few of my secured closets. He exposed my derogatory thoughts toward others in one closet. He spotlighted my sexual fantasies in another closet. The walk-in closet of my revenge and grudges took a bit more time to illuminate the contents. The Spirit even uncovered a closet of desires I had concealed from myself. This is the genuine me?
“Yes, West, you are “butt” dust. Every one of your godly goals is contaminated by your habits of rebelling against God. Your pride to do it on your own and in your way pollutes every "good" action. You can memorize verses, but do you really love others like I do? Do you love Father with all that is within you?"
Illustration
A man works on a car and, without cleaning up, comes into the diner and mixes up a raspberry cheesecake. As he serves his customer a piece, relating how he had just made it, the customer weighs the mouth-watering appearance against the blob of axle grease still on the man's thumb.
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In much the same way, my human nature contaminates every good that I do. So as the Spirit wrapped up His inspection, I felt like Paul. "What a wretched man I am. Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?" I was crushed, devasted, and totally spent. And to further highlight my wretchedness, the judgement my dad had issued two years earlier came to mind. Dad stated that I was a selfish, self-centered, thoughtless, rebellious, and arrogant 16-year-old. At the time I dismissed his judgement because, I reasoned, he spent so little time with me, there was no way he could truly know me to issue such a devastating judgement. But the Spirit of God pulverized that logic and I realized my rationalizing was another survival strategy. Dad does know me, apparently better than I know myself. I have been deceiving myself that I could at least resemble Jesus in my life by my intelligence, my discipline, and doing the things a good Christian man should do.
The gracious Spirit of God wrapped up this inspection of West by saying, “Yes, West, you are “butt” dust. The absolute best you can do is contaminated by your sin. Now wait till you see what we can do together!” In contrast, when my dad passed judgement while standing in our laundry room, he gave me no reason to hope for change and no offer to help. But “Thanks be to God" the Spirit gave hope and promised to be my life source to change!
The next morning, I removed those posters that I thought illustrated being a "good Christian". Instead of me working to fabricate the opportunities to tell others, the Spirit dropped opportunity after opportunity in my lap. For instance, one day a young man rode onto campus looking for another and asked if I knew where his friend may be. I told him I did not. Shrugging his shoulders, he asked what I was reading as he sat down under the shade tree with me. Another time a girl walked into a study hall where I was talking with Mark about spiritual issues. She also was looking for someone. Determining the person was not there, she sat down at our table and asked, "What are you guys talking about?" The Spring of my senior year was incredible as I participated in the encounters the Spirit arranged. Although that encounter with the Spirit was decades ago, He continues to do above and beyond anything I could even imagine.
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In summary, "repenting of my pride" means approaching Father with the simplicity of a young child with a gift of a finger painting. There is no thought given to the quality of the gift or if its creativity will impress Father. Instead, the child's heart is to express their love for Father who deeply loves them. There is no consideration of the quality or the creativity of the finger painting. After all, what can a person, let alone a child, create that would impress the Creator?
A chuckle is told of God challenging a group of the world's leading biologists to make a man. Knowing the chemical and biological make-up of a man, they confidently accepted the challenge. Going first, God reached down, gathered some dirt, and breathed life into it, creating a man. The biologists dismissed it as nothing miraculous and went about gathering dirt that contained the elements of which a man is made. But God interrupted their enthusiastic collection of dirt and said, "Go get your own dirt."
If you did not catch the punchline, do not worry as I am known for my dry mid-west humor. Sometimes it takes a while. I recall a friend who would have me tell a story of a comedian and English Walnut, but I will save that torture for another time.
A closer example of the Lord Almighty's creativity is your left hand. Consider the touch, the dexterity, the strength. Although our scientists' best replication of a human hand may look real, its shortcomings become evident when attempting to do what God created your hand to do. Now consider the greatest achievement of mankind by the most competent among us. How does that achievement compare to one of God’s simplest of creations such as a leaf or a Parrot Tulip? If the most competent cannot create a masterpiece that may impress the Lord God Almighty, what chance does an average person, let alone a child, have in creating a masterpiece that may impress God? Compared to the human hand, or even a simple leaf, the absolute best man can do may be like a child's finger painting compared to a museum masterpiece. (But for some reason, man continues to try to impress our Creator. Curious.)
Back to the child and their gift of a finger painting. Instead of debating and brooding on if the painting will impress daddy, the child, with great enthusiasm and creativity, swirls assorted colors on paper and then presents it to their father saying, "I made this because I love you." With much praise, that 'gift' is posted on the refrigerator door and eventually makes its way into a keepsake file. If asked, the child will excitedly point out which "portrait" is mommy or daddy, and then ask why it was not obvious. Because they know that they are intensely loved and safe, they wish to express their gratitude the best that they can. Similarly, as much beloved adopted children of the Lord Almighty, we can do our best fingerpainting and present it to Abba Father as a gift of love and appreciation, never concerned if it is good enough to impress our Creator. The gift will not impress but the passion and love that made the gift brings a proud smile to Father, even if presented with greasy hands.
Illustration
A young girl brought mother breakfast in bed for Mother's Day. Not quite recognizing the charred remains of her daughter's cooking, she spotted the tea. Picking it up, she started sipping it and complimenting her daughter. Upon remembering that she did not have tea bags, she asked how she had made the tea. With beaming pride, the daughter replied, "I could not find that strainer thing you use so I put the leaves on the fly swatter and poured hot water over them." Misunderstanding her mother's slightly concerned look, she added, "Do not worry, I did NOT use the new fly swatter."
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Are you starting to fathom this mindset of a loved child against society's performance-based criteria? Among other men, it is about what one can do or possess or about meeting a standard. For a soldier, is his uniform 'squared' away? For an executive, are the company sales figures better than last quarter? Has the profit margin increased? For families, is one's car or house equal or better 'than the Jones'? Adults strive to meet a standard or outdo another's accomplishments. Yet none of these human accomplishments come close to Father's creations – a leaf, a Parrot Tulip, or a hand. But our pride ignores the corruption woven into our accomplishments and convinces us that a mud pie in a pie dish is just as tempting as an apple pie. The pride of which one needs to repent is the pride of King Nebuchadnezzar and of West as a high school senior, a pride that thinks 'I can' perform in a way that pleases Father. Consider what Jesus had to say about our gifts to Father:
Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a few cents.
Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “Truly I tell you; this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.” Mark 12:41-44 NIV
Instead of being impressed by the actions of those who 'threw in large amounts,' (and they were likely making sure that others noticed how much they contributed), Jesus is impressed by the widow's pittance as an expression of her love for Him.
The Logical Conclusion
As children mature, their expressions of love start to reflect Father's creations while their love for each other increasingly resembles Father's love for His children. If their finger paintings are not improving, such that the parent still needs to ask which is supposed to be Mom and Dad, then the parent and the child should be concerned. As those endeavoring to imitate Jesus, we should not be satisfied with simply recreating our two-year-old paintings. Perhaps this is what the writer of Hebrews was referencing in chapter 5:11-14 where he writes:
We have much to say about this, but it is hard to make it clear to you because you no longer try to understand. In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God’s word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil. (NIV)
Similarly, part of maturing is developing a habit of forgiving others in deep gratitude for the offenses Father has forgiven them. They are 'paying it forward'.
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:12-14 NIV
I see that most of you have made it. How does it feel to be free of the chains of unforgiveness? That is awesome. But since there are still a few who cannot get past an obstacle, I will climb back down to help them succeed so that they too can celebrate being ‘At the Top’ and free of the shackles of unforgiveness.
Resetting the Condemning Play List
Several of you are stuck at that nasty outcrop of self-condemnation. Frolicking in Father's love sounds so appealing, yet you cannot get the repeating playlist of condemnations out of your head. To climb up the underside of that outcrop, you will feel like you are going to fall. If you trust me on this, you will overcome as I did years ago.
First, make sure you know the truth of who you are in Christ. Know that you are significant because you are a child of God. Period. End of statement. After that night with the Spirit poking around in my closets, I still felt that I had to perform in order to be worth being loved or impressing Father. But that was a lie that needed to be corrected with truth. So every morning when I woke, the first words I thought and spoke were: "I am significant because I am the child of God." It took me about 2 years of doing this before I started believing it without having to think about it. You see, those accusatory voices have been around for years and have worn deep ruts in one's soul. In Romans 12, Paul calls us to renew our minds, essentially to remove the old ruts and replace them with Father's ruts. This takes truth and time. Your diatribe of accusations likely did not start out as prolific as they are now. It took years to set that rut and it may take just as long to fill it in and wear in some "truth" ruts. Dr. Neil Anderson has a tool that I have found extremely helpful in the renewing of my mind. It is simply a sheet of paper with headings on both sides and then phrases out of the Bible. One side is titled "Who am I?" and the first answer is “I am the salt of the earth.” The page goes on to list about 35 verses in the New Testament that answer that question. Some find it beneficial to take one passage a day and ruminate on it throughout the day. Others will read through the entire list each day. Either way, new ruts will be forming in one's mind. The other side is titled "Since I am in Christ, by the grace of God I…" and lists the verses that complete that statement. For instance, “Since I am in Christ, by the grace of God I have been justified (completely forgiven and made righteous).” This is a list of Bible truths to be incorporated into your thinking.
Now, if you still cannot quite get that next hand hold, try this. When your playlists spit out the ways you fall short of the Jesus standard, agree with it. As a human, alone, outside of Father's family, you have justly earned those condemnations. So agree, you are "butt dust." And the consequence at the final judgement is death. BUT Jesus turns that around:
Dishonest tax collectors and other notorious sinners often came to listen to Jesus’ sermons; but this caused complaints from the Jewish religious leaders and the experts on Jewish law because he was associating with such despicable people—even eating with them! So Jesus used this illustration: “If you had a hundred sheep and one of them strayed away and was lost in the wilderness, wouldn’t you leave the ninety-nine others to go and search for the lost one until you found it? And then you would joyfully carry it home on your shoulders. When you arrived, you would call together your friends and neighbors to rejoice with you because your lost sheep was found."
“Well, in the same way heaven will be happier over one lost sinner who returns to God than over ninety-nine others who haven’t strayed away!"
“Or take another illustration: A woman has ten valuable silver coins and loses one. Won’t she light a lamp and look in every corner of the house and sweep every nook and cranny until she finds it? And then won’t she call in her friends and neighbors to rejoice with her? In the same way there is joy in the presence of the angels of God when one sinner repents.” Luke 15:1-10 TLB
When Jesus came by, he looked up at Zacchaeus and called him by name! “Zacchaeus!” he said. “Quick! Come down! For I am going to be a guest in your home today!” Zacchaeus hurriedly climbed down and took Jesus to his house in great excitement and joy. But the crowds were displeased. “He has gone to be the guest of a notorious sinner,” they grumbled.
Meanwhile, Zacchaeus stood before the Lord and said, “Sir, from now on I will give half my wealth to the poor, and if I find I have overcharged anyone on his taxes, I will penalize myself by giving him back four times as much!”
Jesus told him, “This shows that salvation has come to this home today. This man was one of the lost sons of Abraham, and I, the Son of Man have come to search for and to save such souls as his.” Luke 19:5-10 TLB
BUT Jesus came and searched for you. Not because you were a good person. You and I are in the same category as those dishonest tax collectors or notorious sinners. Yet over and over again Jesus sought out the "butt dust" to carry them into salvation – out of their past ways. So what if you have failed, and failed? Agree to it and then renew your mind to cancel the lie that you are loved because of your good performance and count on being loved because Father chose you, not because of anything you did.
And now God can always point to us as examples of how very, very rich his kindness is, as shown in all he has done for us through Jesus Christ. Because of his kindness, you have been saved through trusting Christ. And even trusting is not of yourselves; it too is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good we have done, so none of us can take any credit for it. Ephesians 2:7-9 TLB
It has been said that if you tell a lie often enough, you will believe it to be true. How much more if you speak truth often enough, you will no longer be paralyzed by the lies. Sure, I am "butt dust," BUT MUCH LOVED "butt dust." Now grab that handhold and swing on over.
Not Yet Forgiven
Another problem is that some of you are getting hung-up on getting around that void of not knowing God's forgiveness. I will take you through the steps and see if this helps.
As you know, there is a God higher than any other god. When Moses asked the Lord Almighty for his name so that he could tell the Israelites, the response was "I AM WHO I AM." (Exodus 3:14) There has been much written trying to capture the enormity of this "I AM." There are a couple of titles which come close – Lord of Lords, King of kings, and Lord Almighty. It is this "I AM" that created you with a conscience and has nurtured you along the path to where you may finally get right with Him.
To get right with "I AM," all the sin and wrongs that you have accumulated, your 'jacket', must have justice. The only way for that is for you to shed blood and suffer death. The Lord Almighty, knowing that you doing this was hopeless, sent His son Jesus to earth to stand in your place. Jesus lived to demonstrate to man the 'I AM' in a language man could understand ("If you really know me, you will know my Father as well.” John 14:7 NIV), and then to offer Himself on the cross to bleed and die in our place. This you may already know. But note who is the initiator – the "I AM." ("No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him" John 6:44)
Did you know that at the trial before the Jewish top spiritual leaders, when asked if he was the Christ, He responded 'I AM'. The priests clearly understood that Jesus was saying He was the same "I AM" that spoke to Moses from the flaming bush. This is one of the many mysteries of the God-man. But Jesus was the only blameless, perfect man who could justly be punished in our place. Essentially, Jesus took off his pure white 'jacket' and put on our 'jacket' blackened with all our offenses towards the Lord Almighty, a record of every time we flipped Him 'the bird' in rebellion. "He made Him who knew no sin to be sin in our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him." (2 Corinthians 5:21) Essentially, Jesus offered to wear your blackened 'jacket' and accept the punishment of shed blood while offering you his pure white 'jacket', free of any sin.
Now here is another mystery and it is a whopper. Jesus tells us:
“I say emphatically that anyone who listens to my message and believes in God who sent me has eternal life, and will never be damned for his sins, but has already passed out of death into life.” John 5:24 TLB
The Apostle Paul reiterates this:
For salvation that comes from trusting Christ—which is what we preach—is already within easy reach of each of us; in fact, it is as near as our own hearts and mouths. For if you tell others with your own mouth that Jesus Christ is your Lord and believe in your own heart that God has raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is by believing in his heart that a man becomes right with God; and with his mouth he tells others of his faith, confirming his salvation. Romans 10:8-10 TLB
How believing in Jesus who, 2000 years ago, died on a cross for my sins and was resurrected, how believing that He can be the just punishment for my sins and the sins of EVERYONE who believes and result in our righteousness, I don't know. But I do know it is a spiritual event that requires God to give a person the faith or confidence to believe this truth.
For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. 1 Corinthians 1:18 NIV
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:8-9 NIV
Don't ask me to explain it as my pea brain cannot grasp how the 'I AM' may be searching for you. But if you are feeling the distance from God, if you know you are not yet right with him, then it is unmistakable – the "I AM" has found you. When His Spirit convicts you of your sin, of God's righteousness, and of God's judgement, then you have come to a point of decision. Do you choose to pass through the cross, exchanging your 'jacket' of offenses towards the 'I AM' for Jesus' righteousness, and to become right with the 'I AM'? Will you choose to invite Him to enter your life? Will you take an oath to follow Jesus?
Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have the Son of God does not have life. I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life. This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, He hears us. 1 John 5:12-14 NIV
When one believes, the Spirit of God fills in that void, allowing you to climb to the top and frolic in being a child of the Lord Almighty. If this is you, right now believe that Father has exchanged your sin with Jesus' purity and 'take an oath' as one does going into the military, take an oath to leave the old behind and to follow Jesus, to imitate Jesus. In doing this you have started a journey that will likely be difficult, painful, and costly, but if the Spirit is convicting you of your sin and God's righteousness and God's judgement, then all that fades as you bask in Father's love for you.
