II. Swallowing Poison to Kill Another?
Unforgiveness is like swallowing poison
and hoping the other person dies.
Now who in their right mind would think that swallowing a lethal poison would kill another? Me! Me! I would!
Life Experience
After my brother’s murder, I wanted justice for that woman who rear-ended him while under the influence of something. She did not even have a driver's license. As that thirst for justice (vengeance) simmered in me, others started to notice changes in me. And I noticed some myself. As I went about caring and teaching others how to follow Jesus’ example, my unforgiveness started showing itself in my word choices and in my responses under pressure. My patience ebbed and I more readily condemned others. My words had angry undertones. I would stomp on my airhorn when an 'old man in a hat' was actually obeying the speed limit in front of me. I even lashed out at a brother in Christ in what should have been a friendly conversation. This unforgiveness was like an infection oozing into every part of my life. Much of the time I was able to stop myself before something that was clearly not “what Jesus would say” could escape, but I was not always successful.
Probably the most insidious deception was that I thought I had forgiven 'that woman'. If you asked me if I was harboring unforgiveness towards anyone, I would likely respond, “I do not think so.” But I still wanted justice – in this life. And the short prison sentence did not qualify as justice.
Skip forward a bit and I am in a workshop presented by Dr. Neal Anderson. His statement about swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die resonated as I considered how many years I had carried my grudge against 'that woman' who killed my brother. Throughout those years, the poison of vengeance meant for her was poisoning my life and ministry. Until that workshop, I did not understand that forgiveness required accepting the consequences of an offender and choosing not to hold it against them in the future.
As the workshop approached a lunch break, Dr. Anderson asked us to consider his comments and write down and forgive anyone against whom we were seeking justice. I had recently started seminary after divorcing my employer over incompatibilities – such as not overlooking their receipt of $10K in kickbacks to keep using a particular company. But I had already forgiven those 'ex'-colleagues who had wronged me. My conscience was clear, no vengeful thoughts towards anyone. Thus, at the start of the break, I approached Dr. Anderson and explained that I was not knowingly holding any grudges. He graciously suggested I ask the Spirit of God to reveal to me anyone against whom I was holding a grudge and then, listen.
Being a warm Spring Day, I walked through the park next to the lecture hall. “Spirit of God, are there any people whom I have not forgiven? If so, please show me.”
Floodlights! Names and specific offenses started tumbling into my mind starting with those from my recent employment.
Ralph (My supervisor) For removing my work tasks so that I would become bored and quit.
Mr. B. (Dept. Head) For ignoring me and listening to the contractor which cost the company millions more in waste removal costs.
The Service Contractor who lost the bid and then accused me of accepting kickbacks.
The vendor with ties to organized crime for threatening me after exposing his fraud.
And this was just the proverbial 'tip of the iceberg'. (I told you it was a messy divorce.)
Two hours later, after choosing to accept the painful and costly consequences of the wrongs against me and choosing to genuinely forgive my colleagues, 'that woman', and many others, I was walking on the clouds. What incredible freedom. All those offenses and grudges, like a pack full of rocks, had been with me for so long that I had grown accustomed to their burden. I barely noticed when I added another rock of vengeance to my load. But that afternoon, as I finished forgiving those The Spirit brought to mind, I realized that I had accumulated a back-breaking load of offenses and vengeance that was dragging me down. But no more. I was free.
Friends, this is the freedom waiting for you
when you conquer your Mount Offense.
Yes, my unforgiveness towards others had been poisoning me even while coaching others in the ways of Jesus and his forgiveness. My ex-colleagues, well they skipped along in life, thankful that I was out of their way. Until the investigation. But that is a story for another time.
To summarize, for some illogical reason, people often take the poison of vengeance expecting the offender to die. Yet the anger and plotting of revenge will seep throughout a person and negatively impact their relationships with friends, family, and co-workers.
Take a break now and then we will start the next section of our climb to freedom.
